She sat by the window looking aimlessly outside. The pitter patter of the raindrops echoing outside her room as well as inside the closed walls of her heart. The raindrops dashed against the window pane and fell down to meet the earth to an oblivion. The blade in her right hand trembled a bit. Her inside felt as quite as death itself, but with a glen of memories running down. It rather felt like she suffered a brain death and a heart storm and in between all the turmoil, she saw him again, rather imagined.
The first time when they met, their first conversation, their first date, that first kiss and that first….She had told him, that she wasn’t ready yet, but did he ever listen to her? He went on giving him signs that they were most appropriate together, but she, so much in love turned a blind eye to all his mistakes and now lay the consequence of the mistake in her womb, growing each day.
She knew he got over her, finally gave in. “But was there any way to escape things now?”, she thought. This was the only thought she had in her mind past a few weeks, finally now she had her answer ‘NO’. There only way to get out of this shit was to embrace the silent yet comforting arms of death, or at least that is what she thought. “He doesn’t love me anymore”, she repeated in her mind again and again just to produce enough hatred inside her against the life she was gifted.
She was engulfed by the thought of grabbing a small, sharp blade and watch the blood run, red. The deeper the cut, she beloved, the deeper the peace she would get, a sanguinary relief from mortal pain.
It was her D-day and she knew she couldn’t back out. ‘What would the relatives say? The society, will the society accept her? What will others think about her, about her character?’, these questions clouded her mind. She knew she was defeated and stood no chance. Just as the sharp cold edge of the blade was about to kiss her veins of the left wrist, she heard some laughs coming from downstairs.
It was her parent’s voice. She looked up at the clock. Yes it was 10 pm and time for her mother’s favorite comedy soap. She stood shaken. Was she out of her mind? Had she committed something as stupid as a suicide, these laughs would have faded away and turned into gully of darkness. The guy she met yesterday, how can he become so more important than her parents who stayed beside her every moment, right since she was born. And the society? The society which never cared when she returned home after a bad exam or a defeated game or when she had a quarrel with her best friend. The society din’t stay up the nights, she fell sick, but her parents did.
Thus, she decided, enough of running away, enough of thinking about others. She decided to face the consequences of her doing, only this time with courage and confidence. A year later, holding her baby girl in her arms and her parents holding her shoulder, she again realized, after all her choice of living and giving it a last shot wasn’t that bad.. 🙂